In breaking news, national solar power solutions provider Energy Matters has announced a startling discovery, set to turn the nuclear industry on its head.
According to Energy Matters co-founder, Max Sylvester, “The boffins in our research and development department have informed us that big bright ball in the sky we call the sun is actually a nuclear reactor.. and since it’s a really, really, incredibly big nuclear power station, it’s obvious we don’t need any more on Earth.”
“This is great news for governments and the nuclear power industry as it means they won’t need to continue to invest all those truckloads of investor and taxpayer cash into building nuclear power plants – they can pour it into greener, cleaner and cheaper solar power instead. Solar energy is the new nuclear industry, without the risks of Chernobyl type accidents!”
However, the news poses a challenge for Energy Matters and all other providers of solar power equipment.
“It’s a fantastic and fascinating discovery, but it does mean we may have to rename our solar panels to nuclear fusion reaction collection devices. We’ll also need to rename solar inverters to nuclear fusion reaction collection voltage converter appliances. Our marketing team is working furiously on turning those terms into something more user-friendly as they really don’t roll off the tongue too well in their current forms.”
On a more serious note, Mr. Sylvester points out the renewed interest in utilising nuclear energy is an expensive, risky diversion.
“We keep having these solar vs. nuclear arguments, but as solar technology is rapidly evolving, most counterpoints used by the nuclear lobby simply don’t apply any more or won’t very soon. Solar is heading for grid parity, solar can and is providing baseload power.”
“In utilising solar energy, we do not need to dig up the fuel from the ground, there’s no risk of weaponising it (Archimedes’ solar powered death ray type applications aside) and nobody has claims over the sun. There won’t need to be “blood for oil” type wars in relation to fuel procurement,” says Mr. Sylvester.
“This form of truly clean nuclear power is coming from our solar system’s only working fusion reactor and it’s a relatively safe 149 million kilometres away. A solar power system works as an intermediary, much the same as water (and copious quantities of it) is required by a nuclear power station to generate steam to turn turbines.”
“With solar power, you can also safely have your own nuclear fusion reaction collection device installed on your roof. This is not a maybe, this is not the stuff of sci-fi or wishful thinking; the future is here!”
